“This week a 100-12 months-old Tennessee man got married for the 1/3 time; this time to a 68-year-vintage lady. When asked why he Homer Simpson Just Do It Later hoodie became marrying a woman 32 years his junior, the man stated: ‘Yes, I would love a sandwich.'”
– Amy Poehler, of Weekend Update, on Saturday Night Live
“I actually accept as true with in infrastructure spending… I amortize my shoes over 20 years.”
– Canada’s BC Provincial Finance Minister Carole Taylor explaining why she wore $six hundred new Gucci footwear while offering the once a year budget.
“We desired to preserve him off the bases.”
– manager Charlie Manuel (Phillies) explains Jose Reyes’ (Mets) three home runs in one game.
Q: “You’re the player. We want to hear it from the horse’s mouth.” A: (Roddick): “Go purchase a horse.”
“Well, I without a doubt suppose he shatters the myth of white supremacy as soon as and for all!”
– Rep. Charlie Rangel, after being requested his opinion of President George W. Bush
“I got to birthday party and socialize at an Olympic degree.”
– Bode Miller, the U.S. Olympic skier who went zero for five on Olympic gold.
“Should I move and get a ruler?”
– LOST”s Kate [Evangeline Lilly], editorializes approximately a testosterone contest between Jack [Matthew Fox] and Sawyer [Josh Holloway].
“My No. 1 aim is to no longer go to prison.”
– Congresswoman-go with Michele Bachmann (R, MN)
“If you aren’t electing Christians, then in essence you’ll legislate sin.”
– Representative Katherine Harris (R, FL)
“Paddy was inside the wrong place at the incorrect time; through the look of the photographs he became additionally with a person who turned into hungrier than he was.”
– Neil Warnock discusses (Sheffield United goalkeeper) Paddy Kenny’s biting loss of one eyebrow in a eating place.
“I have observed a marked distinction in the way that people respond to me after I am wearing my colours.”
– testimony of Hells Angels member Ricky Ciarniello in a legan movement against an Ontario, Canada court docket selection that the Angels represent a criminal corporation, pronouncing this unfairly exposing him to worry, loathing and mock. The ruling stood. (The authentic Canadian spelling of “hues” right here is not a mistake – or at least, a very old one via now.)
“Drowning has always been my largest fear.”
– Janina Peters, lifeguard.
“Russian women are not excellent for parent skating. They are good for constructing rail tracks in Siberia, as an instance.”
– Alexei Mishin, champion Evgeni Plushenko’s train.
“I accept as true with in my heart that if Jesus were alive nowadays he could be doing the same thing.”
– Madonna justifies which include mock crucifixion in her stage performances.
“Cheney’s defense is that he changed into aiming at a quail when he shot the guy: because of this that Cheney now has the worst purpose of absolutely everyone inside the White House due to the fact that Bill Clinton.”
– Jay Leno
Tennis superstar Roddick about playing the retiring Agassi: Q: “Do you sense alleviation that [it] isn’t going to show up?” A: (Roddick): “Obviously you want to play against your idols, however then again you don’t need to be the guy who shot Bambi.”
“A huge-town experience, but redneck-pleasant.”
– tourism slogan counseled by way of President Tim Newman of the Regional Visitors Authority of Charlotte, N.C., U.S.
“He scares our German shepherd to dying when we’re at domestic; so we come right here.”
– Sue Mihalyi, explaining why she and her husband Mark watch Steeler games at a neighborhood Pittsburgh restaurant. The Steelers gained the Superbowl in 2006 without her rug suffering.
“Your infant, at delivery, already has a deeply complicated courting along with his mother, so for the primary yr you are most effective a curiosity. As the years pass by you turns into an enjoyment-park trip. Then, a referee. And ultimately, a bank.”
– Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood, Esquire mag
“[African-American Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele has made] a profession of slavishly supporting the Republican Party.”
– Steny Hoyer, (D, MD)
“Keep far from the Australian girls or else you’ll emerge as in prisons.”
– advice to his athletes from the Ugandan sports director
“She’s pretty competitive in our cars. Especially if you capture her at the right time of the month; she is probably buying and selling masses of paint obtainable.”
– Ed Carpenter, IRL racing motive force describes Danica Patrick.
“I’m glad he is showing a few personality.”
– Danica Patrick about Ed Carpenter, later that equal day.
Madonna about her rep for being hard: “What’s the distinction between a pop celebrity and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.”
“I instructed the producers I’d give my left nut to host this component.”
– Lance Armstrong, opening the 2006 ESPY Awards
“Activities which are not compatible with western requirements.”
– ABC information being politically correct even as describing Hamas suicide bombings.
“He a completely smart guy and very strong – despite the fact that possibly now not so sturdy as his father Barbara.”
– Borat describes the President
“I don’t guide our troops….When you volunteer for the U.S. Military, you pretty lots recognize you’re no longer going to be averting invasions from Mexico and Canada.”
– Joel Stein, Los Angeles Times columnist
“I stated a bit prayer before I sincerely did the fingerprint factor, and the photograph; and my prayer become essentially, ‘Let people see Christ thru me, and allow me smile.'”
– (Former Republican House Majority Leader) Tom DeLay receives his mug shot.
“Something else I’ve found out about Secretary Rice is she loves the cool Atlantic breezes right here in Nova Scotia, and she or he left the window open ultimate night time.”
– Canada’s Conservative Foreign Minister Peter MacKay, amidst rumors that the two had a bit something goin’ on.
“When you are inviting people, you don’t have to inform them this is a chilly vicinity.”
– Canada’s BC Premier Gordon Campbell, trying to tone down 2010 Olympic promotions.
“Of route, a number of it may be police officers simply looking the game and now not responding.”
– Geoffrey Alpert, University of South Carolina criminologist, about (his) research showing a decline in crimes at some point of the Super Bowl.
“We ship to all correctional establishments.”
– A US book place signal, in the age of the Internet.
“The public doesn’t have a proper to recognise anything.”
– RCMP spokesperson Staff Sargent John Ward responds to newshounds’ queries approximately Ian Bush’s loss of life in custody.
Q: “How extraordinary was it holding up that plate today than in Australia?” Amelie Mauresmo: “It’s a different trophy. It’s round; it’s smaller.”
“Thanks to all of the perverts who voted for me.”
– Jessica Alba, accepting MTV’s award for the Sexiest Performance in a Movie (Sin City.)
“For a few people, gambling a bipolar nymphomaniac may were a task, but for me, I suppose I just played myself.”
– Isla Fisher, accepting MTV’s award for the year’s Breakthrough Performance (Wedding Crashers.)
“The book of these cartoons will cause the sector to tremble. Fire might be at some point of the arena in the event that they do not prevent.”
– English Islamic leader Dr Azam Tamimi
“1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d!”
– tee shirt
“I suppose a relationship with a partner is intensely non-public and I choose to maintain it that way.”
– Paul McCartney (early in the divorce.)
“We’ve long gone thru more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown prepare.”
– Homer to Marge, re marriage counseling, on The Simpsons
“To the vp’s credit score, he did own up to it: on FOX News he said the fault became his; he can not blame every body else. Boy it is exquisite the handiest time you get duty out of this management is whilst they’re truely maintaining a smoking gun.”
– Bill Maher
“Any critical Republican who comes out and says they did not understand me is nearly really mendacity.”
– convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff
“It’s hard to overlook the day you surrender your Independence.”
– Greg Zamlule, a US citizen, explains why he selected to get married on July 4, the same day he entered a 5k race.
“There’s continually the chance that he will just keep on going for walks.”
– his fiance, Leslie Evans.
“We want to make it clear that if the Pope does now not seem on TV and apologize for his feedback we are able to blow up all of Gaza’s church buildings.”
– a respond from the Sword of Islam terrorists, distressed by using the Pope’s speech which seemed to accomplice Islam and violence centuries ago.
“You can constantly get new enamel.”
– Teemu Selanne, a Finnish hockey participant who sacrificed three whites at some point of a quarterfinal with the USA.
“McDreamy is doing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard!”
– George on Grey’s Anatomy
“It’s simply basketball. They’re not the Big Bad Wolf and we are no longer the Three Little Pigs. We’re all grown guys.”
– Cavaliers forward LeBron James, re Detroit
“Here we’ve got an business enterprise supposedly dedicated to preventing cruelty in reality inflicting cruelty to an animal to elevate cash to supposedly save you cruelty to animals.”
– Paul Watson, founder of the Sea Shepherd Society at the Prince Rupert, BC, Canada’s SPCA’s plan to host a crab boil as a fund-raiser for the animal refuge.
“In the West Bank a group calling itself the Lions of Monotheism firebombed four churches, telling the Associated Press, ‘The attacks … Were done to protest the Pope’s comments linking Islam and violence.’ The irony – and that is often the case, we find – become completely misplaced on them.”
– The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart
“Yeah, he regarded sorry when he changed into accessible doing doughnuts.”
– Matt Kenseth declines an apology from Jeff Gordon, who bumped Kenseth out of the way on the Chicagoland Speedway.
“Years in the past, you used to get out and combat and run round and chase each other with a jackhammer and stuff like that. Those were the good antique days.”
– Dale Earnhardt Jr., on course etiquette inside the days earlier than NASCAR’s sponsors started out to fuss about driving force behavior.
“You’d find it irresistible. Puppies get killed.”
– The LOST man or woman Sawyer [Josh Holloway] summarizes “Of Mice and Men” for Henry Gale [Michael Emerson] (a killer-of-bunnies.)
“After 45 years of this crap I’ve simply began to experience it.”
– Pete Townshend, the WHO summarizes a profession.
“Football’s a difficult commercial enterprise; and are not they prima donnas?”
– Queen Elizabeth II